What A Gift

It has been such a long time since I've written on here. Between schoolwork and the business of everything it's been hard to find time to blog. I don't know how many people keep up with this anyway, but so many things have traveled through my head that I wish I could write them all down right now, right here.

I am officially finished my first semester of college. It seemed like the longest AND quickest time to pass in my life. I love being back at home...just resting, not having to worry about schoolwork, and simply enjoying the spontaneity of this break. Christmas came and went so quickly. It's amazing how we work so hard to get everything ready for one day and then it's gone in a flash. I think Christmas Eve was the best day. I spent most of my time at the church helping out with all the services. I've really enjoyed these Light of the World sermons, especially when Christmas is involved. During the Christmas eve service Joe talked about darkness versus light and defined them both. He described darkness as anything that hinders us from moving closer to God and enjoying Him. That can be anything and everything. It's amazing how easy it is to fall into darkness. Even as I do this Reset experiment with the middle and high schoolers I find myself so consumed with the things I am doing that I pretty much ignore God. It's not that I'm doing it on purpose more than it is just a habit that I've made. The whole purpose of this experiment, however, is to break that habit and form a new one by taking that reminder and listening for God consciously...and I think it's working. Anyway, Joe also described light as the remarkable discovery that we find life through a personal relationship with Jesus. It's so interesting how as a believer I can still experience many times of darkness and days of light. This relationship that I've been offered in Jesus is a gift...something I can choose to be a part of or not. Something that really struck me though was when Joe talked about this gift. He reminded me how a gift is always something that is free, and to say the words "free gift" together is to be redundant. He talked about how there is something in everyone that is fascinated by gifts. . .and it's so true! Who doesn't enjoy a nice gift? We all love them! And the best part is that we never give money back to the person who buys a gift for us...that would defeat the purpose of a gift. We aren't worthy of any of the gifts we receive, they are just given with grace. For God to send His son to die on the cross in place of us is His "free gift" to us. God took advantage of our endearment for gifts and gave us just that, a preciously wrapped gift in the form of a baby, so that when we really unwrap the entire thing, we see just how much we love it, and are forever grateful for it. I hope you were able to unwrap the gift of baby Jesus this Christmas and meditate on its value. God sending His very own son to this earth with the very purpose of His death in mind from the start is love. And for Him to show up, not as this mighty man, with a big and bold entrance (which He could have very well done), but in the form of a weak, innocent baby in a little stable in Bethlehem is genius. Pure genius.

I Have A Reason to Sing...

Okay so its been almost one month since I've updated. It's amazing how fast time goes (but also how slow it goes...) depending on what I'm talking about. School is crazy, both in a good and bad way. I am learning so much as I shared in my last blog, and I just got my Western Civ test back on Tuesday (yes, the class I was so nervous about in the beginning) and I got a B+! It's not necessarily the grade I am so excited about, just the fact that I am improving and learning A LOT! But this also means I have to keep it up for the rest of this semester and next semester as well (a continuation of Western Civ with the same Prof). I know I can do it though. Anyway...I've constantly thought about blogging especially recentely as I've had many new things revealed to me. I've had a lot of thoughts but everytime I go to write about them on here, something new comes to my mind...there are so many things to think about! Don't worry, it's a good thing. So where do I start? I don't know...I'm just going to ramble for a bit...keep reading if you wish :)

God has opened my mind to new things and has paved a new path for me in direction. I know I don't have to figure it all out right now but the truth is that it's all been right there, it's just a matter of me tapping into my passions and figuring out exactly what they are. I am looking into communications. What is better than learning about how to communicate for a lifetime? haha. I enjoy talking, writing, acting and I know it couldn't hurt to see what that means for me. I've thought a lot recentely about what it means for me to talk like Jesus and about Jesus, not just show Him through my actions, although all these are VERY important. I want to be able to stand up whether in front of a group of people, or in a simple conversation with one person, and I want to be able to share God's truth. This is something I've always wanted, it's always been my passion and I can't escape that. What does that mean for me right now? I'm not sure...but I'm definitely exploring it and talking to God about it. It is a journey, that's for sure...

Something else that I've run into a lot here at Houghton are many conversations/arguments where people are discussing God and our response to Him. It's as though they are trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong in how we respond and worship to Jesus. There's a lot to that, of course, but there's something there that doesn't settle right with me. This morning at breakfast I sat down with a group of people who were discussing worship and the songs that we sing. They were talking about how a lot of the songs we sing these days do not emphasize the "bad". By that they meant that most songs are only proclaiming our hope and delight, and there aren't songs that speak of our "authentic emotions" as they put it. They said that it is rare that we find songs that speak of our anger at God or disappointment or whatever the emotion may be. I agree that there aren't many songs that say that, however I disagree with the fact that the lyrics in songs are not authentic because I believe they definitely are. I totally understand what they are referring to when they say everything always seems "happy" when they listen to a Christian radio station, but at the same time it's not necessarily that they are trying to portray a "happy" emotion as they are trying to portray a hopeful lifestyle, an alternative. Although the psalms are filled with songs expressing anger and frustration towards God, and we should be authentic in that sense, I truly believe that the songs we sing in church, the songs we hear on the radio, or the songs we sing to while we get ready in the morning are not being dishonest, or lacking authenticity be any means. I believe they are filled with truth and praise all the same. I've heard many people tell me that when they are in church sometimes they just don't sing the songs because they don't want to sing anything they don't feel or mean, which I've done before as well, but at the same time we can still sing songs of praise (even when we are mad, frustrated, upset, etc with God) because we are singing words that express our desire to want to be free of the anger, we sing because we long to worship God because He is worthy of our praise, not because we don't feel like it. He just is worthy. We can still sing truth to God without being completely pleased with Him...we still love Him, don't we? When I am upset with my dad, for example, I don't really want to yell and scream at him, although it is human of me to do so...but in the end I still love him. The same thing happens with God. We can yell and scream at Him, God can handle that, He wants us to be authentic with Him, but we don't desire to be angry with Him and sing songs of hatred, we desire to still worship Him and love Him despite it all, in light of what He's done for us. I don't think we are being dishonest when we sing songs of worship when we aren't exactly feeling what we are saying, we sing because we desire to worship Him and we long for Him to intercede. We can still be honest with God on paper, in prayer, and in song...but I don't think it's wrong to have all these hopeful songs that speak of God's immense love, hope, and glory. When we hear them on the radio, although it can be a bit cheesy at times (a little too "lovey-dovey" if you know what I mean), I still think that those stations are there for more of a witness than anything else. I love singing hopeful songs because it put things into perspective...it reminds me that I only have Jesus, that I am unworthy, but I am still loved...that I have a God who died for me, and now He's worthy of all of me. Although songs are the smallest amount of worship...He's still worthy of it.


All of my life, in every season, You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

A Little History...

For the past seven weeks I've been taking Western Civilization. I'm not much of a history-buff, probably because I've never really had a very good teacher, so I've never really learned a lot. This year is different. I've got one of the hardest professors here at Houghton, but you know what? ...I am learning a lot, and that's what this is about. There are a few things that worry me about this class regarding my grade and how that will affect my GPA, therefore, affecting whether or not I keep the scholarships I need to maintain to stay here. That's uncomfortable, but as I wrestle with this, I know that I am here to learn, and I am learning a lot in this class...more than I ever have before. Anyway, we just started learning about the rise of Christianity. This is a really captivating topic for me. Today we talked about the bible, and how the books that we read in the bible today, actually made it there. It's so interesting how they determined what books were the "canon" and which ones were not. It's amazing how the Romans deliberated and argued for centuries about whether Revelations should be a part of the bible, and even Hebrews and 2 & 3 John. Many books were dismissed...but all the ones we know today made it through. How did this happen? ...It is said that these deliberations and arguments about what books should be a part of the canon was guided by the Holy Spirit. Is it any wonder? Of course it was! It's just so fascinating for me to learn about the oringinal documents that have been passed down from generation to generation, in which now sits on my desk right next to me. The following reading is from my western civilization textbook. When I was reading it for homework one day...I was just very fascinated.


"Christianity grew slowly in the first century, took root in the second, and had spread widely by the third. Why was Christianity able to attract so many followers? Historians are not really sure but have offered several answers. Certainly, the Christian message had much to offer the Roman world. The promise of salvation, made possible by Jesus' death and resurrection, had immense appeal in a world full of suffering and injustice. Christianity seemed to imbue life with a meaning and purpose beyond the simple material things of everyday reality. Second, Christianity was not entirely unfamiliar. It could be viewed as simply another eastern mystery religion, offering immortality as the result of the sacrificial death of a savior-god. At the same time, it offered advantages that the other mystery religions lacked. Jesus had been a human figure, not a mythological one. Moreover, Christianity had universal appeal. It was not restricted to men. Furthermore, it did not require a difficult or expensive initiation rite as other mystery religions did. Christianity gave new meaning to life and offered what the Roman state religions could not--a personal relationship with God. Finally Christianity fulfilled the human need to belong.
Christians formed communities bound to one another in which people could express their love by helping each other and offering assistance to the poor, sick, widows, and orphans. Christianity proved attractive to all classes. The promise of eternal life was for all." Western Civilization, Spielvogel

Cool, huh? One more thing that I learned today during my professor's lecture was about the paper that these scriptures were written on, the pages bound together to create the bible as we know it today. The scriptures were not just written on any ordinary paper, but extremely expensive paper...paper that they only used for extremely important documentation. They knew that the canon was important. They knew that these words held good news for the world, and for the rest of time on earth. That's pretty incredible. My bible is the real deal. The same words that brought hope to people in Rome, brings hope and encouragement to me today...now that's cool.

Giving Grace Freely

This has been one crazy week. Homecoming was this weekend, and I have never seen a school so prepared and fired up before. My Thursday night, Friday and Saturday were pretty much booked all the way through; something was going on at every moment of the day. It was a lot of fun to be a part of Houghton's 125th Anniversary. I've been taking today off to rest, like usual, but I am worn out. It's going to be hard to "catch up" on sleep if you know what I mean. Anyway, there was a lot of stuff that happened for homecoming and everything that I could blog about today, but I really just wanted to tell you about a lesson I learned this week.

This week, I learned exactly what it means to give grace. I've given grace before, but for some reason it was much harder this time around. This week I was challenged to give grace in a way I've never had to before, and it was a real challenge. But to truly give grace is always hard, isn't it? Or is it? I think the more we become like Christ, the easier we find it for us to gracious. Naturally, it is very hard to give others grace, no doubt, but this process doesn't come easily because we're not Jesus. We need to study, learn, and follow Jesus in order to start to take on His ways and act like Him. I learned this week that in the hardest times...the times where a person or group of people repeatedly disappoint you, the times you find it hardest to forgive, the times where you find yourself surrounded by the lies of another person...these are the times where true grace shines brightest. When I looked up the word 'grace' in the dictionary, I found many varying definitions. One that stuck out to me read: "divine love and protection bestowed freely on people". That's a good definition. But that forced me to look up the word 'divine' which was defined as "of or pertaining to God; extremely good, unusually lovely". Grace is extremely good love, that of God, which is bestowed freely on people. Wow. That's an even better definition. This week I was taught how to do that, I learned how to give grace...not because I had to, but because I wanted to.

I wanted to be a child of God, mimicking His ways. My heart hurt, but I needed to move beyond that, and it required a strength beyond my own. What was interesting when I looked up the definition for grace, there was a second part of the definition that is so obvious, yet disregarded by many, even myself. It read: "grace: an excellence or power granted by God". That is probably the most important part of grace. The fact is that we can't do this act without God's power. It isn't our nature to give grace, mercy, or to forgive. When we do it, we do it because God gives us the strength and the power. Most importantly, we do it because God gives us grace everyday. I think that's what stuck out most to me, the fact that I should give grace freely because I get grace freely. It took a while, but I finally realized that it was something I wanted to do. If it meant being like Christ, adopting His ways, living like Jesus did, then I was all in. It was dumb not to do something just because it was hard. . .it was because it was hard that I knew I needed to do it. The way Jesus lived wasn't easy, which leads me to believe that all the things that I instictively want to shy away from, are probably the things I should be facing head on.

This week I learned how to give grace, and I don't regret it at all, although it's still hard to do on a daily basis, I am learning. I can't forget that I am given grace every day by a God who doesn't have to, but chooses to.

Two Very Special Friends...

These two are very special to me, and I can't hide it, so I've decided to dedicate a blog to them...it's the least I can do. Over the past few years, I've gotten so close to Jason and Rachel and they've blessed my life in more ways than one. Last Thursday I got a call from these two, which I thought was just another update call and discussion about all the things that have been happening in our lives while I've been away. And it was indeed just that, but their update was some of the most exciting news I've ever heard!! If you have not yet heard, please stop reading this and go read Jason & Rachel's blog FIRST. This blog isn't to tell you about that, (although I am so very excited!) however it is to lift them up and thank them for being such amazing friends to me. They've both filled my life with so much love and laughter. I've enjoyed every minute of the many laughs and random adventures and excursions we've experienced together. I wouldn't trade them for the world!

Jason--you've spoke countless words of wisdom and I've taken each and every one of them to heart. You've challenged me in your sermons and our private conversations. You've found amazing ways to encourage me through your uplifting words and by putting a smile on my face with your many silly jokes. I absolutely love your spontaneity, especially when I'm included :). I love that we can watch and re-watch Jim Gaffigan videos countless times, and still laugh the same. You mean so much to me.

Rachel--I love so much about you. You've been one amazing sister, mother, and friend. You challenge me and help me through the roughest times, and I really need that. You're a big part of the reason why I'm at Houghton, and you've helped me make some of the hardest decisions, and do the things I typically don't want to do. Thank you for that. I love that we are running buddies, and that we can share that together. Thanks for the delicious meals you've made for me, and for laughing with me constantly.

When it comes down to it...I adore you both SO much!

Please take some time to comment about Jason and/or Rachel to tell of something that you love about them or a funny story that you share with them. This blog is about the Fullen's, after all! So please share :)

I love you Jason and Rachel with all my heart!! And I am so excited for you both as you start this new journey!!

Without Love, I Am Nothing

If I have language ever so perfectly and speak like an expert, but I do not have love that comes from the heart, I am nothing.

If I speak up in class, do homework diligently and have diplomas to speak of my great knowledge, but I do not touch the understanding of love, I am nothing

If I surrender all things and go out to serve others every day, giving of all I have: my money, my time, my efforts, but I do not do it in love, I am nothing.

If I can heal sickness and diseases, but wound hearts and hurt feelings of those around me, I am nothing.

If I write letters and books and publish articles that make known to all the world, but fail to describe and proclaim the word of the cross in love, I am nothing.


Today my devotional journal challenged me to rewrite 1 Corinthians 13 and it was convicting...I wanted to share it. This past week has been rough and draining, to say the least, but I am continuing to learn and grow, no doubt. I'm learning to love with a godly love. I'm being stretched, challenged, and moved. I hope that my response is ever so pleasing to Jesus.


"[Love] is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:5-7

Taking Each Day As It Comes...

I have officially completed my first week of college. Crazy, I know. I have a lot of work, laughs, papers, memories, experiences, friends and challenges ahead of me, that's for sure. My schedule is nice...definitely different from high school in a lot of ways. As weird as it is, I like having down time between my classes, although that doesn't always happen. I have this fantastic amount of time in the mornings to spend with God, and I love it. Like I said before, I find myself becoming so engulfed and thirsty for my time with God because that is one thing that definitely hasn't changed in this crazy season of "new" everything. There are plenty of things I've found myself worrying about, but I have worked to not "worry" so much. One of those worries is my Western Civ class. I have a very hard professor and I was becoming overwhelmed with all the work, and falling behind (even though I wasn't...). Not to mention, I'm horrible at history to begin with, so that added to the fears a little. The other day I got really stressed out and I realized that before I got into reading and doing all that I had to do, it was best and necessary for me to take some time for God and do my daily devotion. As I started reading my book and all the verses that went along with it...guess what God had waiting for me?! ...A lesson for my worrying. Go figure, right? This is a portion of the devotional that made my mouth open in shock(although I should've expected God to teach me such things...).

"Perhaps this is why Psalm 90:12 encourages us to "number our days." The verse goes on to promise that when we do that we get wiser, I take it to mean we gain wisdom when we lengthen our view of life. Does something seem terribly important to you today? extremely, vitally serious? Almost to the point of distractoin? Number your days. Get a little perspective. Realize that it won't be long before you will look back on that uptight, high-powered, super-charged issue with a whole new outlook. To be quite candid with you, you may laugh out loud in the future at something you're eating your heart out over today. Don't sweat the small stuff. Nobody bats one thousand. ...So when the smoke clears, try smiling instead of crying." -Charles Swindoll, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life

This was pretty neat, needless to say. It really helped me cut down on my worrying. And I realized that as long as I'm trying and doing what I can and LEARNING all for God's glory...where could I possibly go wrong? Anyway, I keep coming back to this when I worry...and it helps. But prayer in this area is definitely appreciated and needed. Another thing I'm praying for is finding girls that will challenge me spiritually. That is needed, and I know it will come as long as I trust God in that. I am making really good friends with my RA, Jordan, and the RA of the floor above me. They are both sweethearts and definitely very centered and focused in their walk with Christ. That is encouraging! I am also very excited because I might be leading a weekly bible study for our floor. My RA was talking about doing one, but was also very overwhelmed and worried that she wouldn't be able to do it because she has a very busy schedule herself. It was like a very wide-open opportunity that I knew God was throwing out there just for me :) so I told Jordan that I would love to help, or take-up leading it. So that is something else in the works.

Two more things: I am running for class historian! AHH! I am giving my speech tomorrow and I'm very nervous (although I do not know why). I am running against two guys and neither one of them seems to be taking it too seriously...or maybe they're just acting that way to throw me off...I don't really know. I am super excited though, because I really want to do this. It's a four-year position and it pays too! Plus I love taking pictures, and scrapbooking, and writing...so it seems perfect! I'll update on how that goes later too. The second, and last thing I wanted to update on was church! I went to this cute little church off a dirt road, with Kaylie Sauter today. It was SO different from what I'm used to, but a refreshing different. Very small, but true theology, thus far. I really liked it. I'll put a couple pics up of that.

Anyway, it's getting late and I'm very tired. I hope all is well at home! I miss you guys...but thanks for reading and catching up with me! Tomorrow starts my second week and I need my rest. Thanks for all your prayers. Love you guys!


Amy and I before church -- roommies!

the church

cute kids playing on the tire swing :)

inside the church

the dirt road we traveled to get there...

Consistency

"Steadiness. You can count on it. When pain or hardship bites, consistency doesn't bleed. When the majority is tired and irritable, consistency is stable and resilient. Not insensitive, boring...but reliable, faithful. Not opposed to change or reason, but trustworthy. Not stubborn, but solid. Yes, that's it: solid.

One of the most attractive, magnetic characteristics of Christ is His consistency. When you need Him, He is there. He's there even when you don't think you need Him! You're never too early or too late. He's never in a lousy mood nor will He ask you to call back during office hours. He's available....because He's immutable. With Him, there's no new year or old year. He is "the same," regardless.
CONSISTENCY." --Charles Swindoll, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. --Hebrews 13:8

I like this...a lot. It's exactly what I needed to hear, especially at this exact moment and time in my life. Brand new transition. New environment. New place. New friends. New everything, it feels like. A lot has changed...but when I went to go write and read and spend time with Jesus today, I realized that this was one thing that hadn't changed. My relationship with Jesus hasn't gone away, and the bible I was reading was still the same as it always had been. I know that sounds silly, but it was comforting in a great way. I love everything here and about Houghton so far, but change can sometimes be overwhelming and tiring, especially when there's a lot of it. I took a nap today because I was just so exhausted from the past few days and when I woke up I started reading this book and the bible and it was so refreshing. Not only did the nap re-energize me, but so did these words.

Another thought...God's creation is amazing. Although that is always changing, whenever a beautiful day comes around, it never goes unnoticed. It puts me in such a great mood. And the campus up here helps me to enjoy it all the more. God has really set me in my place to get started in this thing called "college". Yeah its weird being away from all my friends, but I know that God has placed me here to challenge others, be challenged by others, and to reflect and overflow God's love into my relationships here, the classes I will be apart of, and all around campus. And you know what? I have never felt more ready and prepared in my life. I have this unbelievable peace inside of me. I can't even believe it's here, and I'm starting classes tomorrow, but I know that I can do this. God has completely prepared me in every way to live for Him here at Houghton.


Take me, Lord, all of me, and use me to make a difference, whatever that may be, all for your glory.

He Goes Before Me...

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."--Deuteronomy 31:8


Today is my last day in Maryland for a while. It's kind of weird...weird that I'm leaving my house. Weird that I won't be going to LifePoint every weekend. Weird that my friends have gone/are going different places too. It's exciting, nerve-wracking, scary, challenging, but ultimately indispensible. I can't avoid the fact that I know Houghton is where God has called me to be. I don't know why, nor do I understand what things I am going to face when I get there, but I know that I shouldn't be afraid, or discouraged because my God goes before me. That's good news, it really is.

The past few days have been a little difficult saying my goodbyes to friends and family, but I know that it won't be long until I am back. And in the midst of these goodbyes I've been reminded of how awesome it is to be a part of God's kingdom. Just knowing that regardless of distance and physical death...we are all God's children. We can find hope in the fact that in Christ, there are no goodbyes and in Christ there is no end.

So...this is it! I'm finally going. I'm all packed up for the most part (what a crazy experience by the way...) and I'm heading out tomorrow morning. My dad and I are driving most of the way and then spending the night at a hotel, and driving the rest of the way in the morning to unload and MOVE IN! Crazy. I am hoping and praying that I can somehow manage to fit all my stuff in my room. I trust that it will work out though. I am finding more and more peace about this, now that the day is almost here! Your prayers have been so powerful...so thank you! I will be sure to be blogging more in college to let you in on everything going on! :)

Houghton College here I come...

Camp Barnabas Update...Finally!

Okay...so as you may know I went to Camp Barnabas the end of July, and it is now the end of August!! I can't believe how fast time flies! I am very busy getting ready for college (I leave Thursday and move-in Friday...I'll blog on that soon too) , which is why I have not yet updated you all on my trip. For those of you who did not receive my sponsor letter, I will post it on here. It is the best I think I can do in explaining a week-long missions trip. It is very hard, especially because this past year there were so many things I did, experienced, learned, and loved! Here's the letter!! :)

Hello again!

I made it back from Camp Barnabas a little over a week ago, and as each day has passed since the day I got home, I’ve been trying so hard to think how I could possibly sum up a week-long missions trip into one letter. It’s a hard task, and very impossible. But I believe in a God who makes all things possible. So here it goes.

On July 22, I set out to Camp Barnabas for my second year in a row. I was so excited this year, with typical anxious thoughts, but overall I was really looking forward to the things God had in store for me. As most of you know, our God works in crazy ways…ways that sometimes throw us off-guard. As we drove up onto Camp Barnabas property in Purdy, Missouri, I knew I was in for something new. A new team, new year, new week, and new people. As I shared with all of you before I left, we went during Autism week this year, and I prepared in the best way I could to care for a camper with autism. However, God had something “new” and different in mind for me this week.

The day we arrived, we were placed in our cabins to meet with our fellow CIA’s (Christians In Action) and the Staff people that we would be serving with for the week. This is also the time where we pick our campers. I was put in a girl’s cabin this year! That was exciting for me, considering the fact that I was with a boys cabin last year, and I was excited to try something new this time around. Everything was going as I had expected up until our staffers started to speak to us about the upcoming week; it was then that God caught me “off-guard”. One of the staff girls turned to all the CIA’s in my cabin and said, “if you didn’t already know, this week you have been placed in a siblings cabin, and you will be taking care of siblings all week.” Now that was something I had not expected! But God surely took the unexpected and unplanned, and blessed my week greatly!

A siblings cabin, if you hadn’t guessed already, is a cabin made for the siblings of the campers that do have a disability, like autism. I was in a junior sibling’s cabin, which meant that every member of our cabin had an older brother or sister with autism and/or some other disability. They have these cabins so that the siblings can have their very own week of camp, apart from their brother/sister. I also learned a lot of things about these siblings; the struggles that they face on a daily basis and the problems that they encounter themselves. My cabin had different training apart from the other cabins that were assigned campers with autism, and there I learned about the various things to look out for when hanging out and taking care of sibling campers. I was told how many siblings can be very hard on themselves (they expect a lot out of themselves) and they develop OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) because they find little things that they can actually control in their lives, since most of them often feel out of control, especially when it comes to their sibling with the disability. I also learned that siblings may develop characteristics of just the opposite. They can be excessively wild and out-of-control, with very little self-expectancy. Above all, I learned that despite everything, each one of these sibling campers would need to be loved and shown much affection throughout the week. This was our time to finally give these kids the attention that they have been longing and searching for all of their life, but have never received. After coming to know all of this, I learned very quickly exactly why God had placed me in this cabin.

I ended up picking two campers this year. Since we were in a siblings cabin we had 11 campers and only 6 CIA’s. This gave us the opportunity to love on more than one camper! I picked two girls who had never been to Camp Barnabas before and were both 7 years old. The first one, Abbie, had a twin sister coming to camp as well, who had autism and some mental retardation. Gracie, my other camper, had a 9 year old sister who had Downs Syndrome. I came to know these two girls very well and completely fell in love with their adorable laughs and beautiful personalities. I also got to know the other nine girl campers in our cabin on a deeper level…they were all so beautiful! If I could sum up the physical aspects for me serving in a siblings cabin, it would be this: many piggy back rides, a lot of tickling, various hair up-do’s, and COUNTLESS imaginative story telling. It was like babysitting for a week and I enjoyed every minute of it!

This year God taught me the usual things: more patience, self-sacrifice, pure joy, unconditional love. But on top of that God revealed to me exactly what it means to meet others where they are and accept them at that place (Romans 14:1-4). That was a big lesson for me that made itself known throughout the week. One more thing that was really evident was how much God makes Himself present in the “unplanned”. In other words, our unexpected events are more than often His most intended happenings. About mid-week, my one camper, Abbie, was taken home due to the fact that her twin sister had 34 seizures within 24 hours, and needed to receive more medical attention than what Barnabas could offer. So I rode with Abbie and this very sweet lady named Laura, who worked at Barnabas, all the way to Springfield, MO to drop Abbie off with her parents. That day was hard for me to see Abbie leave. She had been enjoying herself so much and I had invested so much time getting to know her that it was hard to let her go so soon. However, that two hour ride to Springfield and two hours back was one of the most rewarding, greatest, and best times I had all week long. On the way back from dropping Abbie off with her parents, I talked with Laura about my life story, Camp Barnabas, and all these things that I never thought I would tell someone I had just met. That day I developed this incredible friendship that I know will last for a long time. God really made Himself known in the most unexpected and unplanned time, and He taught me that just because I didn’t plan it, doesn’t mean He didn’t have that moment arranged for me all along.

This year set itself apart from last year in so many ways, and I had the best time! I enjoyed every moment…everything from the kids covering me in mustard & chocolate syrup (yes, it was disgusting) to the amazing bible studies we shared together every morning, I loved it all because the campers did! There’s this overwhelming joy that radiates from the campers to you when you serve at Barnabas, and it’s an incredible experience. So much so that I have made the decision to apply for a staff position next year. I would absolutely love working there for half my summer. I think it is something that God is calling me to do because He knows I need the challenge, and I believe He can work through me in great ways. Thank you all for supporting me in every way possible. For devoting your time to pray for me (I have no doubt it’s immense help throughout my week), for trusting God with your money to send me there, and for being by my side every step of the way. Your support through prayers and finances, not only sent me to Camp Barnabas and helped me while I was there, but they opened up opportunities for God to use me, speak to me and through me, and opened my eyes to see God in another new and amazing way. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You all are amazing to me. Thank you for allowing God to use you to support me in the way you do so well. I love you all, and I couldn’t thank you enough!

In His everlasting grip,

Kelsey

He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." –Jeremiah 17:8



Me with my two adorable campers! (Gracie left, Abbie right)

Laugh WITH Me, Not AT Me...

A musical note walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender standing behind the counter.

"What can I get for you?" The bartender asks.
"Um, I'll take a beer."

To that the bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve to minors."

Going broke just to buy a trashcan? Some ppl are...

All I want to know is who is paying $179 for a trash can? Seriously. What could possibly be so important about a TRASHcan that you're willing to spend one hundred AND seventy nine dollars for it?! I honestly don't know how to answer this question. Any ideas?

Summer Fun

This summer has been busy, that's for sure! A couple weeks ago I went to Creation Fest 2008!!! It was fantastic!! It was their 30th anniversary too, so it was pretty special! I enjoyed it a lot! A ton of bands, a lot of speakers, plenty of food, a bit of rain, and a great group of friends. It was a nice first vacation of the summer...although I was very tired by the end of the four days there. My favorite part of the week had to be getting front row for Chris Tomlin! It was very exciting to say the least! Here are a few pictures from Creation (although I did take 3 facebook albums full of pictures...I'll try to pick a few to show you here haha)

the stage upclose:

from the lookout:

David Crowder:

Chris Tomlin:

doing our own worship:

wet friends:

From Creation I moved on to my next big trip of the summer...REALITY WEEK!! We just got back from that on Friday. Wow, what a blast! There aren't many words to describe how much I loved it this year. It was a week full of fun, growth, and building of friendships. God had my eyes on serving and giving rather than gaining this past week. But like always, I gained just as much as I gave of myself. I love how God works in that way. I really wish there was more I could say to explain how much beauty I saw this past week at camp, but honestly, I have no words. At the beginning of the week Lance reminded us that God had each and every one of us there for a reason, and he wanted us to keep our eyes open for that reason. At the end of the week Lance asked us to share what we found that reason to be. Although I did not share, it was very clear to me why God had me go this year. He knew that He wanted me to share my heart and my testimony with some girls over the week. He brought me closer to my graduated girls that I love so much. He opened my eyes to see how He is using the upcoming seniors and juniors to reach out and love the underclassmen unconditionally. This past week God revealed to me how my work is finished here. How I have finally ended my past four years, and passed it on to some amazing friends and leaders. It's kind of scary to think, but rewarding nonetheless. I was able to come alongside my peers and worship our Redeemer passionately, and I am hoping and praying that passion never dies for those in the underground student movement. That way a revolution will arise. With all that said, I will share a few pictures from the week.

blue squad (oh yeah!):

Flat Joey joined us in our REC games:

worship with Todd Wright & his band:

great friends:

graduated senior girls:

This last picture here represents five different girls going to five different states in the fall. That is so overwhelming to think about. I can't believe it! It's exciting but nerve-wracking all the more. I have no doubt, however, that these are four girls who I will always be close friends with, despite the distance...and that makes me happy :)

--->Next trip...Camp Barnabas!!!! I am excited, but I need to get my rest this week before I leave. I'm thankful that I have this week to rest before our trip begins next Tuesday. We leave the 22nd and come back the 30th. We're serving at autism week this year, and I'm looking forward to the things I will learn and the challenges I will face.

Thanks for reading my update of the summer thus far!

His Day

Today represents a lot of things. And for some reason my mind has been preoccupied with a lot of them today. Today we celebrate our fathers, but with that comes hurt too. Some of you have been abused, abandoned, or hurt by your father. Today is painful because the image of your father is faint, non-existent, or heart-breaking. Still others of you feel the very pain of wanting but not being able to be a father yourselves. And today others face the hurt of losing their father and it's surreal. Brokeness is very real on a day like today.

Today I faced stories, my own hurt, and the reality of these things amongst the people around me. My heart ached just thinking about each senario. Who would have ever thought that a day meant to celebrate the lives of our fathers, could be such a painful and numbing day?

All this reminded me of one thing that stands true in all these circumstances. Regardless of our past, present, or future...regardless of our hurt and pain...we all have a Father. One who has always been there. One who will never hurt us, leave us, or abandon us. For some that is hard to believe. Having faith in Jesus alone is a hard concept, and a crazy one. But to believe that He will never leave us on top of that, in light of the hurt, abandonement, and loss that we've faced first-hand...why should we believe that about a God we can't see? ...Because it's true. Because He won't leave us, forsake us, or disown us. Because God sent His son to save us. We have a mighty Father in heaven. With all the hurt we've faced, I've realized that today is a good day to celebrate our everlasting Father. Today was hard for me in a lot of ways, but when I realized that today was just as much about earthly fathers as it is about God the Father, suddenly my heart was delighted. I wanted to celebrate...I became very thankful. And in that I found ways to be thankful about my circumstances here on earth, in light of my Daddy in Heaven. It's amazing how that happens.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. There is so much I wish I could convey, but I don't know how in this moment. I guess I just wanted to remind those of you who were hurting today, that we also have a reason to be joyful. Today was Father's Day in heaven too. In fact, I think every day is Father's Day in heaven. Although our relationships with our fathers may be broken, non-existent, distant, or temporarily stopped...today we can look to heaven and remember Jesus, who forever wants to maintain that father-child relationship with us. He wants us to invest our lives in Him as He does in ours. Today is a day Jesus deserves my thanks, as is everyday. In the midst of my hurt I became joyful in knowing my faithful Father.

Just like any other day, today was His day.

ConGRADulations!

Graduation came and went like the lighting that surrounded us tonight. In ways it struck and left a mark on my life and a memory in my mind, and in others it is just another story to tell. I don't really know what to say or how I'm feeling because I don't know myself. But I do know that I had a blast celebrating a major part of my life with some of the best people I have ever known. I am overwhelmed with love and support from all around. It amazes me how a family can just whip up a little get-together and so many of the people I love dearly show up! It was a blast and I'm so thankful for each and everyone of them! Considering I don't know what else to say, but thanks, I will just throw up a few pictures and make this my shortest blog ever.

P.S. Graduation was a lot of fun...

P.P.S. I give credit for the title of this blog to Lance...he must have told me this a million times after graduation on Friday :P

A Close to the Year

Okay, so these past few days have been so hectic...I can't even believe it. Not only that, but they've been so hot!! Our gymnasium lacks AC so we were sweating like no one could imagine in our cap and gowns during graduation practices! I finally came home and took a shower tonight after our second award ceremony today and I feel completely refreshed, other than the fact that I need some sleep. But for some reason I'm blogging. It could have to do with the fact that I'm excited/anxious about tomorrow (graduation!), or maybe I still have a lot of energy leftover from my hyperness today, or it could very well be due to the fact that I just ate my dinner not too long ago. Anyways, as I mentioned, today we had two different award ceremonies where they announced awards and scholarships and so forth. I heard very many of the same names and saw many of the same people walking up to receive their awards. Most of these people definitely deserved these awards, don't get me wrong, but I grew a little envious of them after my day came to a close and I had not received one scholarship after applying to all the ones that I did. It's a little frustrating because I have worked extremely hard, as most of these others who received awards have as well. I guess it's that little selfish part in me that wants to be acknowledged for her achievement over the past 4 years and beyond, and it made me jealous when I wasn't. More so I was just upset because I am working hard to try and do my part in paying for college by receiving scholarships now, but it didn't seem to be working. But after thinking about it, I know I have nothing to worry about. Part of me strongly believes that this is God's way of saying "trust me, Kelsey...I will provide for you". And He will. There's no doubt about that. That's what I have concluded. Plus, please don't get me wrong...I was/am SO excited for all those that did receive scholarships today because that's an awesome accomplishment, and great money. Congrats you all!

So tomorrow's the big day! Graduation! 2pm eastern time...incase you were wondering. haha. It should be good. I also have been unable to blog about my senior cruise on Monday. It was probably my favorite activity I've done through school my whole senior year. It was so laid back, fun, and beautiful! It was perfect weather. I'll leave you with a few pictures from that and say goodnight. I am getting more delerious as the minutes progress.

Thanks for reading! Much love! xoxo

This is me and my friend Jen at dinner!

The boat!

A sail boat!

Pretty flag and sun

bridge and sunset

My friend Megan!

My sweet friends Megan and Jen...we had so much fun together!

How Can I Stand Here & Not Be Moved By You?

I am a big fan of our church. LifePoint has a way of bringing out the truth and authenticity in everything and everybody. This skit has that same power. It reminds me that no matter how much pressure this world may bring, my Jesus can handle it all. It gives me chills because it's so true. And this is just a tiny representation of what He can do. This past Sunday was fantastic in so many different ways. Thanks to all that helped put it together! You all are awesome!

A Senior Farewell

Tonight was our Senior Farewell at school. It was a really neat and a fun time as the students led the entire night...singing, dancing, speaking, etc. It was really cool to finally be together reflecting on the past four years and beyond. One of my friends put together this slideshow of all the senior photo's, their names, and an extra picture, whether it was a baby picture, or some other older photo. It was really cool. I couldn't help but reflect on all those years, from elementary, middle, to now. It was tonight that I realized just how much I feel like I "missed out on" especially during the middle school and early high school years. I can't help to think that it was because my circumstances would not allow it, but part of me was sad. Then I realized that I had nothing to be sad about; I was wrong to think that I was missing out, because I wasn't. My story has been forming in bigger and better ways than any picture could ever tell. A lot of people at school don't know my whole story, although I really wish they did. Coming up on the end of this year is hard, exciting, nerve-wracking, scary, upsetting, motivating, challenging, but most of all it's worth it. It's worth reflecting on and it's worth celebrating. After all...the Kingdom of God is a party, and this part of my life is something God would want me to celebrate.

So I will! Thanks for all your support and love over the years! Look where I've made it to!!

Me and my friend Jen!

Praise My Adonai

I am realizing more and more, with every passing day...that this ride is worth it. My God is worth it, no matter the pain.



You call across the mountains and the seas
I answer from the deepest part of me
From age to age you reign in Majesty
And today You're making miracles in me
Oh my Adonai

I'm IT!

I've been tagged in this questionnaire game by Mrs. Amy!
Here it goes:

What were you doing 5 years ago?

1. Making my crazy transition into high school

2. Saying goodbye to Tori and the whole Evan Family

3. Trying to help my older brother and dad get along

4. Probably fighting with my sister over silly things

5. Meeting Lance and the whole Burch family for the first time

What are 5 things on your to-do list today (not in any particular order)?

1. Drive 6 hours back home from NY

2. Write 2 letters to friends and a paper for school

3. Read my bible and journal

4. Take a shower and get ready for church

5. Catch up on some lost sleep

What are 5 snacks you enjoy?

1. American cheese and club crackers

2. Goldfish
3. Homemade brownies

4. Deviled eggs! (I don't know if this counts, but I absolutely love them!)

5. Kettle Corn

What 5 things would you do if you were a billionaire?

1. Pay off my college tuition

2. Give millions to LifePoint Church :)

3. Sponsor like ten kids (if not more) from Compassion
4. Go visit Australia and Europe
5. Buy a house...somewhere.

What are 5 of your bad habits?

1. Staying up too late

2. Spending more time doing other things, rather than with God

3. Losing my hair ties

4. Forgetting my sun glasses when it's sunny outside

5. Forgetting my flute the days I have Wind Ensemble

What are 5 jobs you have had?

1. babysitting

2. babysitting

3. babysitting

4. babysitting

5. and babysitting

What are 5 places you have lived?

1. Frederick, MD

2. Canada (for a very short time)

3. Eldersburg, MD

4. my room

5. the woods

What 5 people do you want to tag?

1. Katie
2. Jessica
3. Rachel
...everyone else has been tagged, I think.

Passing Along A Laugh

I've been showing everyone this video because it is so funny to me. You may have to watch it twice to get the full affect. Watch the little panda the first time, and then observe the mother's reaction the second time. It's hilarious! I love it. Please enjoy...

Don't Forget that I Won't Forget...

Tonight was my last band concert ever for my high school years. Tonight, like every year at the spring concert, the seniors get recognized for all the things they've been a part of for the past four years, related to band. I was kind of looking forward to this, being that I am a senior. My teacher started with the flutes, and I watched as she went down the line. She started at the top...Jen...Megan...and then she would call me. I prepared myself to stand, until I didn't hear my name. She had already moved onto the clarinets! It was at that moment I realized that she had forgotten me! lol! She eventually came back around and called my name realizing that she had skipped right on over me. It wasn't that big of a deal, I just laughed. It didn't really matter all that much to me...it was a silly mistake!

But when I was packing up my flute after everything was over, the whole thing played out in my head again, and I laughed underneath my breath. It was then that I heard a little voice in the back of my head and it whispered these five sweet little words: "I will never forget you."

It was in that moment that I realized God had sent me a little hope for the day to reassure me for tomorrow. Although I wasn't feeling bad or upset at all for being "forgotten", I was still sent a sweet reminder of how much I am loved, and no matter what, I am forever written on the palm of His hand, therefore He will never forget me. I think He's always telling us that, you know? ..."Don't forget that I won't forget you..."

I just thought that was really neat.

Remembering Today...

Eight years later and I can't seem to put my finger on it--
It's a feeling that wonders what things would have been like,
Yet is still satisfied in how things have turned out.
My heart looks around and sees the pain others are facing
And can't really seem to feel its own.
My heart is joyful for the things seen,
and for those that still remain unseen.
For the things given,
and the things lost.
Even in this moment I'm not quite sure where I stand now...
where my heart and mind have been over the years.
But I'm starting to realize the ways my story
is being used...
that it all wasn't gone unnoticed.
It's amazing how each story fits into the plan,
how a heart identifies with another.
I know that I'm not the only one who hurts today...
or the only one celebrating, all in one.
It's worth the celebration
for my God is worthy of it all.
Somewhere I find myself completely changed...
a new person.
I find joy in the midst of tragedy.
Hope when all is lost.
Love when I see rejection.
Beauty when my surroundings are unpleasant.
Life when there's death.
Surrender when life has come to be about my plans.
Humility when pride is the only thing portrayed.
Victory when my circumstances seem overwhelmingly defeating.

These things have come to be bigger and better than the temporary world,
the one that will eventually fade away.
These things will last for eternity
And that's what matters most.
The hurt, the sin, regret, fear, defeat, death...
it soon won't matter.
It will fade away with the rest of the world.
And so I stand here today and am reminded
that this day doesn't just mark a tragic day,
but a beautiful day in God's eyes for His child came running home.
And with that, today is a beautiful day in my eyes as well,
no doubt in my mind.

A Laugh to Start Off the Week...

Okay so here's a really funny story that unfolded today and I wanted to share it with you all. But bare with me because I've been told that my stories are never really that great (I think it's my delivery, or maybe it's just because what I see as "funny" or "worth-telling" isn't the same as everyone else's idea of "funny" or "worth-repeating" lol) Regardless, I will try. Here it goes:

A little over a week ago was Weekend 180 (which was SO much fun...and I still have yet to blog about it). I was with my fellow Senior Girls at the Frenz's house in Mount Airy, and it was a blast. Saturday morning we were all sitting around after breakfast, still munching on some of the delicious munchies a community group baked for us! I was sitting in the living room with a few other girls munching on some grapes. Next to the chair I was sitting on was a little table which had a few decorative things on display (note: Mrs Jolene Frenz is a wonderful decorator and has many things around her household that bring a shimmering glow to their already-beautiful house!) There was this one container-like thing that had a few random objects in it. It looked like grass with some rocks and other nature-like objects. It is kind of hard to describe (I wish I had a picture to show you...). As I finished up my grapes, I was holding onto the grape-vine that held them all together. While noticing the decorative container sitting next to me, I turned to Allison Milchling and said, "doesn't this grape-vine look like it belongs in this thing?" She looked at me and laughed as she watched me quietly sneek the grape-vine in with the moss-looking stuff and the rocks. I laughed out loud and turned to Allison again and asked, "do you think Mrs Jolene will notice?" Allison responded, "I doubt it!"

Meanwhile I turn to Mrs Jolene who is diligently working in the kitchen and asked her,
"Hey Mrs Jolene, I really like your little display here, it is very nice..."
She responded, "Why yes, I made it myself. I just pretty much throw whatever I want in there..."
"Me too." I mumbled quietly under my breath. Allison and I laughed uncontrollably together at Mrs Jolene who didn't have a clue as to what was going on.
"Leave it there," Allison said. And so I did...and there it stayed.

The story continues as I came home from school today...I drove up to my mailbox and got the mail, like any other day. The only thing in the mail today was an envelope addressed to me! I love getting mail!! I head inside and ripped open the envelope, not quite sure who it was from or what it was (there was no return address on it...). And if you hadn't guessed by now, this is what I found:



Yep...Mrs Jolene had found it I suppose and decided to send me the vine in the mail! Well, I don't know how funny this may be to you, but it completely made my day! I laughed for a really long time. Thanks for reading...I hope you found a giggle somewhere in there as well! :)

Resting In Him

This week has already begun to exhaust me. Last night I stayed up half the night praying because of the uneasy, and discouraged emotions I was feeling. I've really been wanting to blog, but because of this letter that I read this morning, I know I need to rest first. I don't believe I read this today on accident. So instead of blogging something I wrote, I want to share this because it basically sums up what I need to go do.

...You Need to Rest

I know you often grow weary. I hear your heartfelt cry for more energy to make it through each day. You, my tired one, must trust Me with all your many worries and responsibilities. Rest when I tell you to. I am your heavenly Father, and I know what My girl needs. So listen to the One who loves you the most and knows all about you. I want you to take a step of faith by setting aside a day each week to rest from all your work. If you will obey Me in this, I will multiply your time and supernaturally energize your efforts to get everything done in the following days. Welcome this opportunity to give your mind, body, and spirit a rest. Consider it My love gift to you, and relax in Me!

Love,

Your King and your Resting Place


"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.'" -Matthew 11:28

An Encouraging Voice

"I know that He will raise up, He will conquer, but when I read about the cross I want to close my eyes until the in-between is over. Today, as I read each scripture, I was struck by something I have never put too much emphasis on before. Jesus did not return to His followers as a healed man. He had scars that told the story, that brought Thomas to belief. He was alive, fully alive, and yet, not unscathed. God chose to use these wounds to remind the world what He had overcome. It seems like if I were the writer of the story, I would heal them completely. Really show people what kind of power I had. Just make it look like it never happened...complete restoration. This isn't what God chose for Christ, and it isn't what He chooses for any one of us.

If we are called to suffer in the name of Jesus, we bear scars as well. He doesn't hide them when trouble has passed, but rather He allows our paths to cross with those who want to touch them, to believe in them, to fall into the arms of the one who allowed them to be inflicted.

I have prayed many, many times that the eyes that read these words will run their fingers along the wounded hands of Christ, letting His suffering tell you the depth of love He has for you.

This life is not about being healed.

It's about bearing wounds for the sake of the One who bore them for us. For you."

--Angie Smith

Heartbreaking, yet Humbling

I walked into school this morning, expecting the worst. The very first thing I noticed as I walked through the doors was...the silence. It's amazing to me how silence is ever-so present at a time like this. No one really knows what to say, or how to respond. Today was...hard, to say the least. As I walked through the quiet halls this morning I watched as her friends hung posters up with tears in their eyes. I saw unison among her softball team as they all wore wrist bands with Emily's #1 on them. It's so beautiful to see the togetherness and friendship because it's not cherished enough, but so hard to see the brokenness and pain that caused the bond. Today was one of those days where I felt completely helpless and upset that I never got the chance to be a peer-facilitator for our school. But I know that hugs can facilitate much better than words, and you don't need training for that. I was heartbroken for so many people today. I don't know what to say. I just know it's going to be a hard week for a lot of people. As overwhelming as it was, somehow it was completely humbling to sit at lunch today next to the spot where Emily used to sit. Another reminder that life is short, but in Jesus we have eternal life in heaven. It's hard for me to understand and imagine how a lot of people are going through this without Jesus. I can't imagine their feelings.

Keep the Burke family in your prayers. Pray for peace and a connection that they may have with God through this whole thing. Pray for God's love and peace over the Calderone family as well. Lift up the precious and broken hearts of Emily's friends in my school. Please pray for Aly Hird too, who is in serious condition now. And lift up Paul Burke as he deals with this pain and guilt he must be feeling and will continue to feel for a long time.

I am planning on going to the prayer service they're holding tonight at St. Joe's Catholic Church. I know this will be a time when a lot of people need comforting, and I want to be there. I'm praying that God would be evidently present there tonight.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28