Living A Not So Ordinary Life...

Every day after school for the past month or so, a bunch of students from my school, including myself have been practicing for our upcoming production starting next week, Ordinary People. The more and more we practice and master characterizations, the more involved and excited I am about the play. As silly as that may sound, I find myself having so much fun being a part of this thing. I really regret not being a part of more plays in the past. But I know there's a great reason that I'm a part of this one. My friendships have deepened and I love it so much. Tonight after running through the show completely, most of the cast and crew stayed to watch the screen play (movie) of Ordinary People. Although I've come to realize the great impact of the play in and of itself, I became a lot more involved when I watched the movie. It was really powerful. I felt like I was the only one moved by it though. I get so involved and I often put myself in the place of that character feeling as if they were feeling. This all seems so silly, especially with having such a small part in the play myself, however there's something different about this play than I've ever seen or been a part of before. It's very realistic, hence the title. Just like ordinary people in the world. I guess I was just thinking about it, and relating it to my life. Conrad's (the main character) brother tragically dies in the story, and although his relationship with his mom is shallow and it is difficult to deal with his feelings, he makes it through...he realizes that there's more and that he's going to be okay.

I know I'm already past that point in my life...I know that thing's will be okay, but I've also realized on a different level that I'm not always going to be strong, and that's okay. Not everyone is always going to understand me either, and that's okay too. I was called to live a not so ordinary life, but a life that demands an explanation, and that's what I'm trying to do. It's really exciting making new and deeper friendships. And I love seeing the "irony" of the play and my life and how a lot of it seems to relate on some level. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but I was just thinking and figured I'd write it out on here instead of in my journal. I haven't talked stuff out with someone in a while, and sometimes it helps to know someone is hearing me out, even if it is as indirect as this. Thanks for reading this, if you have.

A Psalm

This past weekend was the ALG Retreat at Summit Lake and it was so refreshing and inspiring. I loved learning, listening, being challenged, worshipping, laughing, playing...everything seemed to fall into place. I learned so much about life, about my brothers and sisters, and I couldn't get the importance of passion out of my head all weekend. It's always been so important to me that I stay passionate about everything I do for Jesus' name, and this weekend I got a bigger and better glimpse of what passion looks like. It inspired and motivated me to let out the passion I had inside. I have so many thoughts and feelings and I can't seem to explain them right now, but after replaying the weekend, I wouldn't change a single thing that happened. Saturday night we were asked to write out a psalm to God about the things on our heart in that moment and then we shared them. It was so powerful hearing all these different cries out to God. So personal, yet really encouraging. Encouraging each other in that we aren't alone in this journey. I figured I'd write out my psalm again on here. I was writing fast and I wasn't able to get all my thoughts on paper, but I know there's a reason for why I wrote this prayer in that moment. The Holy Spirit was very overpowering that night.


I feel so alive, but in a way that some wouldn't understand. My heart yearns, it longs to be with you. But the only reason for this is because of brokenness. Father, you know that in order for me to see just how much I need you--I need to be stripped of everything. That is where I find you, it's always where I've found you. My need for you in my life is so great, but I've found myself wanting you more and more. When the tears are streaming down my face and I'm crying to you. When I'm lonely, even with all these people around. When I overhear the pounding and yelling of my father's voice--the only way I can escape it is crying out to you. When I'm hurt, confused--when I don't always understand your reason behind everything. I can't always be strong, Daddy. I need your help--I need it more than ever. Give me strength to endure the pain with a joyful and triumphant heart. Give me the hope that can be spread to others. I praise you Father, even in the midst of it all, I still want to glorify your name.


"..there's no mistaken it's You.."