May 6, 2000

Exactly seven years ago, May 6, 2000 I lost someone very dear to me. I never thought it would get harder as the years past, but sometimes it just does. I thought this year would be okay. But then I realized that it wasn't, but it was going to be different from any other year. As weird as this may sound, for the first time I missed her, not for the sake of missing her, but because I need her. And even though I know being with her isn't possible right now, I know there is a reason for it beyond anything I can or will comprehend. During the church service yesterday morning, I was so overwhelmed with everything. It was like everything I've ever felt, thought about, known, and every memory came upon me. Again, I realized how this whole senario, what took place seven years ago, wasn't for me. It's all about my response to it, especially when things are the hardest...because I know it's glorifying God. And that's all that matters. I just can't get over how great things can become out of some of the most heart-breaking times. Right now I'm relying on pure faith because each day I'm being stretched even further. I need to trust that God will keep working through this, and where I am with my dad right now. The older I get, the more I realize how much she missed out in my life and vise versa. It's difficult, but I have to constantly remind myself that all these amazing people in my life now, will one day meet her, and that makes me really happy. I can't wait. Somebody once told me that if it's not okay, then it's not over. I believe it. I know God's not done yet. And I know this pain is so worth it, after what He did for me on the cross, and for what He promises me. I just can't wait until everybody can meet her. Oh, what a day that will be!

The best part of it all is that although sometimes I cry, it is all magnifying and glorifying the holy name of Jesus Christ.