If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
This is what it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held
When the sacred is torn from my life...this is how it feels. Wow, but never did I think that I would feel so fulfilled at the same time. And it's all because of where the hurt has brought me. Because I realized that nothing else can bring me peace, nothing else can give me hope, in the way that I need it but this. It's not until you find yourself completely stripped of everything that you realize how much you cannot do it on your own. Although the reality of it all is heart-breaking...it's worth it. When I feel like nothing's left to hope for...I find myself mistaken. All of a sudden, things are calm, my thoughts are at peace, my heart is healed, and I am redeemed from my pain. This is what it is to be loved. To know that when I'm feeling this way, I will be held, rescued, and surrounded. Everything will be worked for the good of those who love him. I believe it. If this is what it takes, I'm all in. I've already learned so much, and yet there's still so much more to learn. This is only the beginning. And when that thought becomes overwhelming...I know my God will give me strength. When I feel like I've done everything I possibly can, and yet I still feel empty-handed, I know I can raise my empty hands high, in victory, in honor and in glory, all for my ever-reigning King. When I feel like I'm in this alone...my hope will be restored. Even at my lowest point. Deep within me I know there's a God that wants to lift me high...that wants to build me up so I can do the same for others. Even after the things I've felt...there's no way any of this compares to what was done for me...so that I might live. This life is worth it. This loneliness is worth it. This confusion, anger, frustration, and pain...it's all worth it. Why? Because it's bringing glory, honor, and praise to my God. Because He paid a much higher price. Because this is what He has required for me to grow and become more like him. Part of sharing God's glory is sharing His suffering. This is what it feels to have the sacred torn from my life, yet this is also how it feels to be held by my most gracious, magnificent, transcendent, most holy, and ever beautiful, mighty King. And that feeling is worth it. Finally, a feeling that never fades, ceases, or ends...but one that satisfies, loves, hopes, and comforts. And that's something worth holding onto, especially when my world falls away.
3 comments:
This is really good stuff, Kelsey. Hope your beach trip was great.
Hey sweetie pie! Since you left me a comment I thought I'd leave you one too. Hmmm...seems like you have some catching up to do on this here blog. Your last entry is in MAY!! Love you lots...
Hi Kelsey!
I am was very moved by your testimony and I'm also on the journey to finding a closer and better relationship with Jesus. I know that He knows my heart better than I ever could and He put a calling on my life to be all His and be healed. I am learning to yield to him every day and allow him to work through me in touching other's lives and getting them on the right path toward Him. Many people believe that it's about the working it out in the natural, about how much you volunteer or do good, we can never be good enough. "All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." But, if we let Jesus into our hearts and vessels and allow Him to work through us as we yield to him and hear his voice, then lives are saved. I have personal testimonies about healings and miracles that have happened and I would love to hear yours. :) If you'd like, you're welcome to email me anytime tashagoncharova@yahoo.com. Hope to hear from you! :)
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